5 Tips For Wrangling a Mobile Toddler

Captain’s Log. February 12, 2019. 7:22 PM. Family Domicile. Forty third entry.

When your oldest child gets to the age that Lady Fancy Pants is currently, you start to loosen the reigns a bit. She’s old enough to play on her own without constant supervision, old enough to get herself to the bathroom when she needs to, and old enough to come ask if there is anything she needs. If she’s in the other room playing with her toys, it’s perfectly acceptable. The problem with that, is that child number two is coming into his own, and entering an age where the constant pursuit of trouble is about to commence. Suddenly, the flashbacks of a couple years ago are coming clear into focus. With that said, here are five tips for monitoring a mobile toddler.

1. Positioning. Dad, it is your responsible to have eyes on your child wherever they go. One of the easiest ways to go about this may mean relocating to a position in the house with a wide angle view for surveillance purposes. If your favorite chair is in the corner of the family room and other furniture obstructs your view of an area where your toddler is likely to go, you’re going to have to forego that chair until the toddler is either a) confined to a high chair/bouncer situation or b) asleep. You and your chair will have plenty of bonding time, but play time for the toddler is not it.
2. Stance. Did you ever play sports growing up? If so, you had the term “athletic stance” beaten into your head repetitiously by every coach you ever encountered. Feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, hands up ready to react – this is ideal. However, as the years have progressed and my athletic prowess has diminished slightly, I have adapted this stance to the seated position. All of the same theories apply – hands at the ready (at least one. Let’s not get carried away, you need the other for coffee), knees bent (aided by the chair you are sitting in), and ready to react (sitting on the edge of the chair/couch, not deeply sunk into the back). LOOK OUT, TIMMY IS REACHING FOR THE VACUUM. If you were maintaining the correct stance, congratulations! You just saved your son.
3. Vigilance. Repeat after me: “I will ALWAYS keep an eye on my child.” Not 90% of the time until I feel like they are in a safe place and nothing is going to happen. No, always. All the time. If they are awake, and they have mastered some form of mobility, you must literally constantly be in a place where you are able to observe and react. One second, they might be in one corner of the room with a stuffed animal. Three seconds later, they could be making a direct line for your dog’s water dish. Always. Be. Ready.
4. Sleep. If you want to be at your best while you’re awake, you need to be at your best while you’re asleep. You need your rest, champ. While this won’t always be doable, you need to do what you can to get a good night rest. Your days cannot be spent in a dull fog while you are expected to be in charge of your children.
5. Hydrate. When sleep doesn’t work, accompanied with the caffeine I already know you’re consuming, hydrate. We leave this little tidbit out far too often, but our bodies NEED WATER TO WORK. When you get out of bed in the morning, chug a tall glass before you reach for your coffee. Invest in a massive insulated water bottle, fill it with ice water in the morning, and keep it with you throughout the day. Water has an amazing ability to wake us up and keep us energized and centered. So yes, drink your coffee proudly, but drink your water too.

Outside of these five tips, pray for peace, and communicate with your spouse. Y’all are in this together, both trying to navigate this new season together. Congratulations on being a full time wrangler of a mobile toddler.

Signing off for now,
Captain Duck N. Tickles